Stealing Sally's thoughts

"I sense there's something in the wind
That feels like tragedy's at hand
And though I'd like to stand by him
Can't shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend

And does he notice my feelings for him?
And will he see how much he means to me?
I think it's not to be

What will become of my dear friend?
Where will his actions lead us then?
Although I'd like to join the crowd
In their enthusiastic cloud
Try as I may, it doesn't last

And will we ever end up together?
No, I think not, it's never to become
For I am not the one."

Pain and Love

When did I become so afraid of getting hurt? When did the risk of pain become a good enough reason not to love? Life if filled with pain. Something worth having is something worse loosing. Is it not a truer love to know that you might get hurt in the end and choose to love anyway? If someone is worth loving, then they should be worth that risk....right?

"Much-Afraid shrank back. 'I am afraid,' she said. 'I have been told that if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can.'
'That is true,' agreed the Shepherd. 'To love does mean to put yourself into the power of the loved one and to become very vulnerable to pain, and you are very Much-Afraid of pain, are you not?'
She nodded miserably and then said shamefacedly, 'Yes, very much afraid of it.'
'But it is so happy to love,' said the Shepherd quietly. 'It is happy to love enen if you are not loved in return. There is pain too, certainly, but Love does not think that very significant.' "

You could be happy.....

"...You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far.

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true.

Do the things that you always wanted to without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do.

More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world."

No canary

How much easier would it be to be able to just be content with a normal life?
Every once in a while I wonder if I could ever be someone who settles down and has the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids and the dog and the cat and the canary...but then I blink. Because that's about how long that thought lasts. I know - in that deepest part of your being kind of knowing - that I won't ever have that. I am in no way disregarding it's appeal, or putting down those who do have that. I just know that it's not for me. I want to find someone to spend my life with who will go with me on adventures. I'm not even quite sure what that means, but I know it's what I want.
I want to be with someone that has similar enough aspirations as to limit the need to sacrifice each other's goals and dreams. I don't want it to have to be either or...one partner's life dream
or the other. I want it to be able to be both.

My newest most favoritest word:

PHANTASMAGORIA
\fan-taz-muh-GOR-ee-uh\, noun:
1. Any constantly changing scene; usually made up of many elements
2. A fantastic sequence of haphazardly associative imagery, as seen in dreams or fever
3. An optical illusion produced by a magic lantern or the like in which figures increase or diminish in size, pass into each other dissolve, etc.
4. A shifting series of phantasms, illusions or deceptive appearances, as in a dream
5. Fantastic imagery as represented in art

[Alteration of obsolete French phantasmagorie, art of creating supernatural illusions : perhaps fantasme, illusionphantasm) + (from Old French; see allégorie, allegory, allegorical visual representation (from Old French, allegory, from Latin allēgoria; see allegory).]

1802, name of a "magic lantern" exhibition brought to London in 1802 by Philipstal, the name an alteration of Fr. phantasmagorie, said to have been coined 1801 by Fr. dramatist Louis-Sébastien Mercier, from Gk. phantasma "image" + second element probably a Fr. form of Gk. agora "assembly" (but this may have been chosen more for the dramatic sound than any literal sense). Transf. meaning "shifting scene of many elements" is attested from 1822.

The best of both worlds is a lie

I have to quit pretending.
As much as I wish I could have the best of both worlds,
how can I, when the only way to have both is for each to be a lie.
There is a lesson to be learned from both places, but the lesson can only be learned
in one place or the other.
"How can I argue when, you won't stop making sense"
My heart knows,
no matter what anyone else says,
no matter what other opinions I get or how many others I talk to to try justify what I know in my soul is wrong.
I have been stumbling, wallowing, through stagnate water that I have tried to perfume.
But it's true scent has found me and makes me sick.
I have intellectualized myself right out of my mind,
right out of any former knowledge of how to be or what is right.
"For the gag, and the bind, and the ammunition round.
This is not about love, 'cause I am not in love.
In fact I can't stop falling out.
I miss that stupid ache."
But I don't know how to stop and I don't know how to get it back.