Twice a fairy, never a bride...

Clap your hands if you believe in fairies,
save me from fading away.
Is my magic too strong?
My dust too intoxicating?
Or is it no ones fault but fate?
Is it simply my lot to be the pixie, the muse?
Never the princess, never the girl in the nightgown.
Never the one who rides off in the sunset.
"In that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming"
That's where I live
That's where I'm forever imprisoned.

Falling

Stuttering steps towards something.
Something wonderful, something beautiful.
Something terrifying, something unknown.
The tingle, the sparkle, the rush of warmth.

Just let me fall
Tumbling end over end
Without thought, without analysis
Without fear.
I forget that it doesn't have to be hard.
It doesn't have to be complicated.
It doesn't have to hurt.

Take it for what it is.
Nothing more, nothing less,
and just fall.

"...crossing into the balance between insanity and perfection."

Mine no more to keep

In another world, another time (longer ago than I care to admit),
it was mine to have and to hold.
A dream worth dreaming and planning for.
A life to live, and more to give than I ever thought possible.
There was beauty and rhymes and laughter and late night confessions
of love and pain and sorrow and hope whispered in low and lovely tones.
There was anger and cruelty from both sides at every angle
that, with practice, melted away with a touch, a chord, a note.
They say practice makes perfect, but in this case every repetition hurt a little more.
Ached a little more.
Failed to melt completely away and the residue clogged every pore.
In another world, another time,
it was mine to have and to hold.
I lived it, breathed it, protected it at all cost.
Would've give my life to save it.
But my life wouldn't have been adequate payment for the debt that had been aquired.
I no longer live in that world, that time.
That space is reserved for another.
I gaze from afar, from another galaxy,
I feel...and empathize.
I know...and understand.
I hope...for the best.
For the other world, as well as for mine.

Home.

such a small word with so many ideals attached to it.
what does it take to make a home?
more profound minds than mine have attempted to sum it into words.
is it where your heart is?
is it where you lay your head?
is it where you hang your hat?
is it a thought, a place, a feeling, a person?
is it a wall, a couch, a roof, a curtain?
is it the place where you were born?
is it the place you choose to die?
is it what you surround yourself with as you live?
if it's a roof overhead, then I just got a new one (and that makes the 5th in 7 months).
if it's having people who know and love and care about you in a close vicinity, then I have many.
if it's a place where you know you belong, a place you feel safe where nothing else in the world can touch you, a place of perfect peace and contentment...then I guess I'm still searching.

I Repent...

"I repent, I repent of my pursuit of America's dream
I repent, I repent of living like I deserve anything
of my house, my fence, my kids, my wife
in our suburb where we're safe and white
I am wrong and of these things I repent.

I repent, I repent of parading my liberty
I repent, I repent of paying for what I get for free
and for the way I believe that I am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
I am wrong and of these things I repent.

I repent judging by a law that even I can't keep
of wearing righteousness like a disguise
to see through the planks in my own eyes

I repent, I repent of trading truth for false unity
I repent, I repent of confusing peace with idolatry
by caring more of what they think than what I know of what we need
by domesticating You until You look just like me
I am wrong and of these things...
I am wrong and of these things...
I am wrong and of these things I repent."

- "I Repent", Derek Webb