"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return"

" Much-Afraid shrank back. "I am afraid," she said. "I have been told that if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can."
"That is true," agreed the Shepherd. "To love does mean to put yourself into the power of the loved one and to become very vulnerable to pain, and you are very Much-Afraid of pain, are you not?"
She nodded miserably and then said shamefacedly, "Yes, very much afraid of it."
"But it is so happy to love," said the Shepherd quietly. " It is happy to love even if you are not loved in return. There is pain too, certainly, but Love does not thing that very significant." "

- Hinds Feet on High Places

Egeiro Aphobos

The pain I feel is not what you think.
You say this is just a lesser version of what could be,
But you're wrong.
The future potential or even probable pain is a welcome risk.
No, the agony I feel that is constricting my heart is the pain of never knowing.
What we could have had, what we could have been.
You say "I saw the end before we began",
But I say "love is blind and that I knew when
my heart was blinded by you".
Now you hide behind your wall,
safe and secure and saving your pride.
I watch you retreat, save face and barr me from your heart.
Your fear keeps you safe...for now.
You cut me before we could cut each other.
You whetted my appetite, gave me a taste, then left me to starve.
You said all you wanted was to fall into me and let the world disappear,
but when given the chance you refused.
You're so afraid of being trapped that you've locked yourself in a prison.

"When one lives without fear, one cannot be broken. When one lives with fear one is broken before one begins to live."
~ James Frey

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

"I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I'll walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I'll walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I'll walk alone"

- "Boulevard of Broken Dreams", Green Day

The worst words in the english language when used at the same time...

"JUST FRIENDS"

Cynical ramblings

Ironic, iconic, cynical rantings of a hopeless romantic.
How can life be so predictibly shitty.
Alone...forever...no one understanding...or wanting to.
Why?
Just when I let myself believe, just when I think someone actually wants me...
How can you just sit there and pretend everything is fine?
Pretend you really care
or ever did.
Oh yeah, you just get over things.
You're so scared of everything.
Scared of committing, of getting hurt, of losing something, of living.
Well guess what?
So is everyone.
But that's life.
And you either live it, or you don't.
Maybe I do need someone else, or maybe I need you.
Well get over this, I dare you.
Now who's the pessimist?

Art

"The aim of an artist is not to resolve a question irrefutably, but to compel one to love life in all its manifestations, and these are inexhaustible."
- Tolstoy

New Name

CIGANA (portuguese)

gypsy One inclined to a nomadic, unconventional way of life.




(this is my name as given to me by Mestre Gulliver of Capoeira Angola Palmares)

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Eyes full of tragic hope
A heart too empty and too full
Not knowing whether to laugh or to cry
To scream or to fight or to give up and die
Tears bleeding from wounded eyes
Passions melting with every sigh
Tiresome questions trying to pry
Answers of freedoms while learning to lie

Millions of little pieces

Stepping in faith
Learning to leap
Twirling and tumbling
And falling too deep

Doubtful debating
Skewed negotiating
The fear of creating
What I can't control

My heart of the line
The line on a ledge
Why can't it be easy
It's too close to the edge

The edge of existence
My existence is fear
Fear of looking, of knowing
What I'll see in the mirror

Hating the choices
Cursing the pain
Yearning for some way
To prove what I've gained

Blessing the heartache
Choking back tears
Praying to look back
And see all in the clear