5 year old napkin
Joy.
Anger.
Victory.
Frustration.
Desire to love,
Desire to tear someone's hair out.
How is it that the recent
battle won
is so swiftly forgotten?
The pendullum swings
from one extreme to the other
with no courtesey of a warning.
With the rudeness of an
unexpected guest,
the internal war begins again.
One moment -
immense breaktrough,
unspeakable joy,
mighty victory.
The next -
Anxious frustration,
spastic despair,
temptation to discontinue the fight
altogether.
This is something I just found in an old box, written on a napkin, I'm guessing, around 5 years ago. I remember the moment I wrote it, but for the life of me, I couldn't tell you what circumstance or inner turmoil brought about this little spasm of expression. Seeing the worn napkin with this poem on one side and some calligraphy on the other brings up a mixture of feelings. First, while I don't remember what this was about, everything in it expresses familiar feelings. The constant struggle to not wallow in life's frustrations, yet also not to get comfortable and soft in the wake of an epiphany. It's something that I can remember feeling many times in my life. So that makes me wonder how much I have actually grown or how much more I understand things....life, myself, the universe, everything.
And second, I remember being full of such emotion that it simply must come out at that moment...even if that means writing on a napkin while sitting at a crowded table in an even more crowded restaurant. But I haven't felt that way in a long time. I do have bursts of emotion and inspiration, but I'm usually too tired to do anything about it. I'm once again falling into the rut of constantly making excuses for not being creative. Or even worse, justifying it to myself by saying that it's just for now....when things slow down and I have more energy then I'll work on my own stuff. But all that does is help keep me from feeling guilty and allow me to indulge my fears and insecurities. There never is a perfect time to make something...at some point you just have to decide that it needs to be made. I need to get back in the habit of expressing myself creatively....in my own way, with my own art. I'm an emotional person and a creative person, and I only fully function when I allow my emotions to help me create and when I use my creativity to help express my emotions.
Anger.
Victory.
Frustration.
Desire to love,
Desire to tear someone's hair out.
How is it that the recent
battle won
is so swiftly forgotten?
The pendullum swings
from one extreme to the other
with no courtesey of a warning.
With the rudeness of an
unexpected guest,
the internal war begins again.
One moment -
immense breaktrough,
unspeakable joy,
mighty victory.
The next -
Anxious frustration,
spastic despair,
temptation to discontinue the fight
altogether.
This is something I just found in an old box, written on a napkin, I'm guessing, around 5 years ago. I remember the moment I wrote it, but for the life of me, I couldn't tell you what circumstance or inner turmoil brought about this little spasm of expression. Seeing the worn napkin with this poem on one side and some calligraphy on the other brings up a mixture of feelings. First, while I don't remember what this was about, everything in it expresses familiar feelings. The constant struggle to not wallow in life's frustrations, yet also not to get comfortable and soft in the wake of an epiphany. It's something that I can remember feeling many times in my life. So that makes me wonder how much I have actually grown or how much more I understand things....life, myself, the universe, everything.
And second, I remember being full of such emotion that it simply must come out at that moment...even if that means writing on a napkin while sitting at a crowded table in an even more crowded restaurant. But I haven't felt that way in a long time. I do have bursts of emotion and inspiration, but I'm usually too tired to do anything about it. I'm once again falling into the rut of constantly making excuses for not being creative. Or even worse, justifying it to myself by saying that it's just for now....when things slow down and I have more energy then I'll work on my own stuff. But all that does is help keep me from feeling guilty and allow me to indulge my fears and insecurities. There never is a perfect time to make something...at some point you just have to decide that it needs to be made. I need to get back in the habit of expressing myself creatively....in my own way, with my own art. I'm an emotional person and a creative person, and I only fully function when I allow my emotions to help me create and when I use my creativity to help express my emotions.
posted by Bex5x5 at 6/26/2007 11:24:00 PM
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