Update #3

I'm trying to get my head to stop spinning long enough to put together some sort of coherent description of what's been going with me the last few months.

Let's see....In September I started dancing with a modern & aerial dance company here called Perpetual Motion, and this last weekend I did my first full performance with them (which went very well, I might add).

It never ceases to amaze me how things have a way of working out (or rather God has a way of working them out), but never how you think that they should.

I came here this summer with the goal of finding a professional company to dance with by the fall, but then assumed that that plan had to be thrown out because I wasn't even able to fully dance on my foot/ankle at all until the end of August & by then it was too late to set up auditions with any of the companies that I was interested in. Then, as kind of a fluke, I came across Perpetual Motion (the director & two main choreographers took class from me over the summer at Ballet Oklahoma. Then when I saw them perform, I was totally blown away & asked if they had any openings), and before I knew it, I was taking class & rehearsing with them twice a week. As much as I was enjoying working with them, I think I was treating it as a side project that I was doing just until I could get out of here.

As some of you know, I went to Nashville to visit over New Year's. It was a good trip, but also a really hard one. While sitting at the Anchor during the New Year's Eve service, I had a kind of epiphany....I realized that I had spent the last 6 months choosing to be miserable; choosing to hate where I was; not taking anything that I was doing seriously because I just saw it as temporary; and not willing to admit that I had anything positive going on because I was scared that that would mean I was stuck.

But the thing is, I will only be stuck somewhere if I choose to be. And, as much it kills me to admit, I do have a lot of great things here in Oklahoma: I absolutely love my students at the studios I'm teaching for (I'm teaching at 3 different ones still), I've made some really great new friends & have reconnected with some old ones (some of whom are like new friends because I now realize that I never actually got to know them for who are). I've been able to spend some wonderful quality time with my family (especially my grandparents), and am slowly but surely finding art and creativity in the nooks and crannies of this city.

And what is the most interesting of all, is that I achieved my goal...I was dancing with a professional company by the fall. And no, it's not full-time, and we only get paid when the company gets paid for a performance, so it's not exactly what I had in mind...but it's growing. Really, legitimately growing and expanding & becoming a tool to educate and bring culture to the people here. And even more importantly, each one of the women in the company challenges and inspires me every time we're together. I'm growing as a dancer, as an artist and as a person. I'm learning new things, discovering new passions, being stretched and strengthened, and further defining my own artistic expression.

I don't know how many nights, after I broke my foot, that I cried myself to sleep & tried to figure out why on earth this had to happen now...just when I felt I was finally having a shot at maybe a real professional career. Now I'm not saying that it was God's plan all along for me to break my foot so that I would be forced to stay in Oklahoma longer so then I could find this company...but I also think that it is wrong of me to discount where He has me for now and not try to gain everything that I can from this place and these experiences.

Anyways...ok, so there's my rant. So to make a long story longer (did you really expect anything less from me?), I'm still here and will continue to be for...well, hell if I know. I guess until I don't feel like I'm supposed to be here any more. But somehow I feel okay with that. Because I'm actually feel like I'm here on my terms.

Oh, and by the way, tomorrow I leave for Europe (and yes, I'm writing this instead of packing....procrastinators for life)! My whole family is going to meet up with my sister Sarah (who has been in China since the end of August) in London & then about halfway through our trip, I'll be splitting off from everyone else to go to Spain for a day because I have an audition set up with a contempory ballet company in Madrid. Any prayers would be greatly welcomed because, while I'm really excited, I'm also VERY nervous. I'm going by myself to a big city where I don't speak the language & as far as the company goes, I really have no idea what to expect. But I figure, if nothing else, it's a great opportunity & a great experience to have under my belt.

Well, I should probably quit rambling and finish packing. I love and miss you all.