The Man On The Flying Trapeze

So I had the first couple lines of the chorus of this song stuck in my head (probably having something to do with the fact that I will be swinging from a trapeze myself this weekend), and I thought just for the hell of it that I would look up the lyrics. To my great amusement, I found these lyrics posted on a site for children's music (I'm not sure if these are the actual tradition lyrics, but they're pretty darn funny...and I find it even more hilarious that this is supposed to be a kids song):

"Once I was happy,
But now I'm forlorn,
Like an old coat
That is tattered and torn;
Left in this wide world
To weep and to mourn,
Betrayed by a maid in her teens.

Now this girl that I loved,
She was handsome,
And I tried all I knew
Her to please,
But I never could please her
One quarter so well
As the man on the flying trapeze.

Oh, he floats through the air
With the greatest of ease,
This daring young man
On the flying trapeze;
His actions are graceful,
All girls he does please,
My love he has purloined away.

He'd play with a miss
Like a cat with a mouse,
His eyes would undress
Every girl in the house.
Perhaps he is better
Described as a louse,
But the people they came just the same.

Oh, he'd smile from his perch
On the people below
And one day he
Smiled on my love.
She blew him a kiss
And she hollered, "Bravo!"
As he hung by his nose up above.

Oh, he floats through the air
With the greatest of ease,
This daring young man
On the flying trapeze;
His actions are graceful,
All girls he does please,
My love he has purloined away.

Oh, I wept and I whimpered,
I simpered for weeks,
While she spent her time
With the circus's freaks.
The tears were like hailstones
That rolled down my cheeks,
Alas, and alack, and alacka!

I went to this fellow,
The blackguard, and said,
"I'll see that you get
Your desserts!"
He put up his thumb to his nose
With a sneer,
He sneered once again, and said, "Nertz!"

Oh, he floats through the air
With the greatest of ease,
This daring young man
On the flying trapeze;
His actions are graceful,
All girls he does please,
My love he has purloined away.

One night to his tent
He invited her in,
He filled her with compliments,
Kisses, and gin
And started her out
On the road to ruin,
Since then l have known no repose.

But e'en now l loved her, I said,
"Take my name!
I'll gladly forgive
And forget;"
She rustled her bustle
Without any shame,
Saying, "Well, maybe later, not yet."

Oh, he floats through the air
With the greatest of ease,
This daring young man
On the flying trapeze;
His actions are graceful,
All girls he does please,
My love he has purloined away.

One night as usual
I went to her home,
And found there
Her father and mother alone,
I asked for my love,
And it soon was made known,
To my horror, that she'd run away.

Without any trousseau,
She'd fled in the night
With him with the
Greatest of ease,
From two stories high
He'd lowered her down
To the ground on his flying trapeze.

Oh, he floats through the air
With the greatest of ease,
This daring young man
On the flying trapeze;
His actions are graceful,
All girls he does please,
My love he has purloined away.

Some months after that
I went into a hall,
And to my surprise
I found there on the wall,
A bill in red letters
Which did my heart gall,
That she was appearing with him.

Oh, he'd taught her gymnastics,
And dressed her in tights,
To help him to live
At his ease,
He'd made her take on
A masculine name,
And now she goes on the trapeze.

Oh, she floats through the air
With the greatest of ease,
You'd think her a man
On the flying trapeze,
She does all the work
While he takes his ease,
And that's what's become of my love."

Written By: George Leybourne
http://www.kididdles.com/lyrics/m026.html