Fuck Kelly Clarkson......

So when do you know when to give up? At what point is it just foolish to keep trying to make the impossible obtainable?

I have lived so much of my life in fear and indecision.....plauged by thoughts that question my ability to do something (anything) that might affect or alter the course of my life. Petrified that some slip, some flawed perception will throw me so far off that I'll never regain my footing.
And so, I don't move....I don't step in any direction for fear that it might be the wrong one.

Until recently. Throughout the hell that has been my life for the past two months I have realized that every part of me had atrophied while I had been standing still. And because of that, not only did I lose the thing most dear to me, but I was in grave danger of losing everything else as well.

So I made decision. I decided to do something that I have always wanted to do, and began the process necessary to make it happen. Only now it's falling apart. I finally stepped out, made a wish, took a risk, took a chance, made a change, brokeaway.......and what do I get? A bunch of shit that is all tumbling down around my ears.

And all I keep getting told is, "you know, if it doesn't work out, then you know it wasn't God". Well fuck that. Am I just supposed to sit on my ass and see if everything falls into place before making a decision? But on the other hand, if I everything that I try to work out and put together just falls apart then what am I trying for in the first place?

I've put everything on the line and stepped out on a limb to actually do something, so what do I do now if it doesn't work out?

Basically I'm fucked no matter what I do.

"Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.
What profit hath a man of all his labor which he taketh under the sun?"
Ecclesiastes 1:2-3